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Beautiful Girls…All Grown Up

April 8, 2012

Reading the first post i wrote on here, I see that it was published the first day of Yule. So, I is appropriate to write another to you today, on Easter (or Eostre).
You girls are so grown up. It is hard to believe how long it has been and looking at you two, so beautiful, so full of spirit, makes my heart glad.
I know there have been troubles in the past few years. If someone had told me your Momma was sick, well there is probably nothing I could have done except send a Get Well Card or two…and maybe not even that without upsetting anyone. Pray…that is what i would have done. A LOT! That is something I do anyway, pray that you all are doing well and happy.
As for the other troubles, it is sad, and I hope your Momma is doing ok with the situation (whatever it may be at the moment). And ya’ll, too. Who knows why these things happen even in the best of families, but they do and it always seems like the end of the world at first. S—–N, I can see that you have tried to be there and supportive for everyone, in your usual loving way. A——A is so much like you, I just know she tried to hold things down by herself, too.
A——A, I cried when I watched the videos you made for S—–N. It hurt to see you hurting and to know she was somewhere missing her little sister. The one with the two of you singing made me happy. So glad that the separation is over now. And hacking her page? LOL! Now, THAT was funny. It looked like she was argueing with herself!
Both of you have so much personality and … FLAIR..i guess that is the word. Originality and random fun, it is easy to see that your parents knew how to nurture the gifts God gave you, and help you grow. Not that ya’ll had nothing to do with your own wonderfulness. LOL! Your Momma and Daddy will likely agree that kids raise their parents while the parents are raising them.
Your Momma wrote that God blessed her with ya’ll. She of course remembers the date. I could not remember the date that I agreed for ya’ll to go with her, 2 weeks before they were actually certified as foster parents. I only remember the date you were taken from me. I am glad she wrote it. Now I will have a day to be happy for what happened instead of a day to mourn.
No I am NOT glad that I lost ya’ll, but that is done. I AM glad and grateful that your parents were there and love you both so much. It was so scary thinking that you could be moved from place to place, separated and worse.
But, there they were, with open arms and hearts, like they were waiting just for YOU. You girls deserve to have parents who love you AND have their sh– together.
I love you and M—–l loves you, but neither of us were stable enough to make a good home for you.
LOL as usual i didn’t finish this yesterday. Another letter I didn’t send.
I am afraid to publish this. Afraid that ya’ll may get upset that I still check to see what is going on in your lives. Just please know that I will not interfere or try to insinuate myself into you and your families lives in any way. Writing blogs that you may read and that playlist I made are as close as I will get to actually communicating with either of you. It caused so much trouble last time I tried and, again, I am so sorry.
Enough seriousness! Heres hoping you two had a GREAT Easter and every day!
If you wonder sometimes what goes on with me….I have rented a small apartment in Goldthwaite, TX.
My life is sort of funny these days. I got married to Terry 2 years ago on Feb 21. Then last summer, I found out he was still married and our marriage isn’t valid. Sort of a relief cause we don’t really get along like that. LOL!
I have a little property thatmy dad left me when he died, but there is not a liveable house on it for me. Don’t know when I got so unmotivated. A few years ago, I would have just built one. There IS one crazy structure I started on out there. Was trying to see if I could build one out of pallets like my Dad did. Got it to stand up and haven’t worked on it since. So there it stands…a bunch of bare pallets staggered in a big square, with no walls.
Also there was no hot water hooked up to my lil camper, so when one of my daughters moved out of this apartment, I moved in. It IS a lot less depressing. šŸ™‚ All the conveniences of living in the 21st century (at least somewhen after the 16th LOL) Maybe my house of pallets will get finished this summer.
The apartment belongs toa sweet drunk lil old lady named Mrs. Ruth. I don’t drink anymore and she amazes me! She may be tipsy all day, but she handsews quilts, makes colectable dolls, gardens (well i do that. supposed to be doing it right now) and all sorts of other crafts. She has a gazillion bird feeders in the yard and every morning I wake up to the sounds of birds in the yard and the rooster next door. The rooster is i little confused, though. He crows all day and night. He must think the headlights are sunrise or something.
Right now there are 7 (Yes SEVEN!) cats in my house. They were outside cats at the camper, but they all caught some kind of kitty flu and Terry (the fake husband) brought them here, so we could get them well. Soooo…it feels like i am covered in cat boogers and fur. Eeewww!
Well it is nearly noon and I am still staring at this tiny phone, when I should be out planting something. Its already late in the season to plant, but Mrs. Ruths garden was not tilled when i got here. It takes me a long time to work the soil cause of my back.

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